There was a time when I practised regular improvisation with a focus on producing even the shortest possible tracks and uploading them semi-anonymously to the Internet. I was afraid I forgot how to write music and so I decided I needed to limit the number of instruments I’m allowed to use and focus on composition. So it all started with a single piano, then gradually I added instruments that were new to me: guitars, violin, etc. I tried to stay away from my synthesizers. It led me to an interesting new feeling: the pieces I composed contained much more expression than most of my music pieces I created before. And I guess I know the reason: to make a synth sound expressive you have to program the way expression works, and when you finish this, your emotions are long gone. With acoustic instruments you can’t and you don’t need to program anything, all their expressiveness is at your hands already. This was sort of an exposition.
It was February of 2014 when I finally got used to play electric guitar and started using it more and more. And there was a catch—there’s always a slippery slope to loud roaring sound. I guess, it’s just in the nature of electric guitars. That was a rising action part, kind of.
Coincidentally, at the same time Ukraine was having the Euromaidan, and I was really living through it for some reason. There were many things that raised all kinds of emotions in me, but at some point there were snipers. And at that point I really wanted to brew some well-known cocktails and visit our local government buildings with them. Because for me it was far too obvious that such things could be organised only by ex-KGB people, which are playing “the democratic government” here in Russia. Let’s say this was a climax part.
Fortunately or not, I spent too many years playing “a musician”. And at that time I was all in half-conscious “reactive music making”, writing pieces about everything that happened in the world. There was even a “Snowden” track, but that’s another story. And you know, as one my good friend Ragnar said once: musicians seem to be broken people — instead of doing something they think is right to do, they write music, songs and film music videos about it. And well, I don’t know if it was a good or a bad outcome, but that day I found myself having a very angry-sounding sketch, which didn’t fit well to the sound of all other mostly calm and bright things I had. So I offered this sketch to another friend of mine — Sheez, we’ve been working on our band’s album back then, so I thought that maybe he could add something in there, sing as he usually did in our band, for example. He agreed to think about it. And this was likely the falling action part.
A couple of years later that sketch was still waiting to be developed into something. Many things happened with Ukraine. Despite all the horrible things and losses, the old regime was gone and the country took the difficult course to the true democracy. Which was good. There were too many bad things though, like some annexations, wars in the east part, etc. I wasn’t annoyed too much by all related actions of Russian ex-KGB people in there, I was just casually angry, because it all wasn’t surprising. But what really infuriated me was the actions of the “west” world “leaders” that were trying to be the “third” side in the negotiations between the new Ukrainian government and Russian ex-KGB “authorities”. Because… how can you smile and shake hands of the murderers and thieves, who start wars and annex the land of their neighbours? How can you have discussions with them arriving in expensive escorted cars to the pathetic royal halls? And then come to your relatively independent European mass media and tell everyone that the negotiations were productive and successful, only to repeat it all a couple of weeks later, again and again? And it’s all with all their so very “special” “secret services”, analysts and the rest of high-paid clerks. Didn’t they know who they’re talking to before the negotiations? Yeah, this was making me really upset back then. And that was perhaps the second rising action part.
The real climax of my bad feelings about all this worldwide international hypocrisy was caused by a really minor event happened on Couchsurfing. Someone from a very European country asked me to stay before going to the “forum of leadership and international management” called “Seliger”. Here in Russia most people know it’s a pro-government youth summer camp, something with soviet-like level of brainwashing. I told that guy everything about that forum and advised him not to come, only to read that he’s “out of politics, coming to see his good friends—very good and respectable people”. He had to find another place to sleep. And this was sort of a second climax.
Some more time passed and one day, I don’t remember what episode of the worldwide hypocrisy made me upset again, but all of a sudden I found myself recording the first verse into that sketch. A couple of hours later I had lyrics and music for the whole song, composed and recorded. Then I spent a few years learning to sing, so my voice wouldn’t hurt at least my own ears. That’d be a resolution of the second climax.
And now it’s time for an epilogue. I really like this song in terms of music. I like the lyrics too, even realising how naive they sound being sung by me —who am I to sing such things? — they should be sung by someone like Bono maybe to have at least some weight. But. Now I’m watching what’s happening in Belarus, and… I wouldn’t really like the history to repeat itself. I wouldn’t even have less social songs — there are far too many problems to sing about on this space-wandering rock. I just wish that people of Belarus got their freedom quickly and as painlessly as it’s possible. Dear Universe, please.
